There’s an uncomfortable truth in motoring media that isn’t talked about very often: there are a lot of freebies going around. Some of them are necessary, of course. We can’t test a car properly without spending a decent amount of time in it, so it does mean getting a ‘free’ car for the week.

It’s also more convenient for the car’s manufacturer to fly the assorted European media out to Spain or somewhere else sunny than it is to bring the limited number of existing early production cars around to each country.

And since they have to put us all up for the night, I guess it would be a bad look for Kia, let alone a more prestigious name like Ferrari, to book out the local El Travelodge. A posh hotel it is, then, even though I’d happily trade the sea view for a location closer to the airport or testing roads.

They’re not outright bribes, but it is a way of exerting soft power by way of innocent-looking widgets. Some of these make sense, others are very random. And, just to be clear, our company has clear rules on what gifts we can and can’t accept to ensure they don’t cloud our opinions.

On press launches, there are usually some branded notebooks and ballpoint pens lying around. The PR team obviously would like us to pay attention during the product briefing, so it’s wise for them to provide some stationery, even if a lot of us take notes on our phones.

I still like the old-fashioned way, but I’ve had to start to be selective about which notebooks I take with me, because I go through only about one a year and attend many more press launches than that.

Following an exhaustive group test that included a notebook from Mazda (not the most advanced, but with very nice perceived quality from the cork) and Abarth (basically the same as the one from Vauxhall but with a different badge), I’ve settled on my current dream team of a Toyota pen (smooth and reliable) and a Bentley notebook (heavy and bulky but luxurious and high-quality).

During the drive, the kind PR teams like to keep us energised and hydrated, which leads some manufacturers to provide us with reusable water bottles. On paper, that’s more sustainable than plastic bottles – until you find five of them rattling around in your kitchen cupboard.

Anyway, my Polestar bottle (designed in Scandinavia, produced in China) has so far managed three years of trips to and around the Horiba MIRA proving ground without going missing, so I guess that’s a win.

I’ve also ended up with a pot of Jeep-branded M&Ms (sounds American, actually produced in Europe) and a tin of Skoda mints (sensible, a bit boring). Those are reasonable driving snacks, but here’s where we get into the slightly bizarre stuff.

Bentley honey isn’t as weird as it seems, because Bentley actually has bees on site in Crewe and makes its own honey, but I once got a bottle of Skoda olive oil and, as far as I know, global warming has yet to make olive production viable in the Czech Republic.

Of course, there are plenty of model cars on offer. I’m not much of a collector, because I just don’t have the space, but I will keep the Dacia Duster from my very first press trip, and another one I couldn’t refuse was a BYD Dolphin.

Not, you’ll understand, because the Dolphin is a particularly inspiring car, but because it’s the most detailed model car I’ve ever seen. It’s incredibly meticulously finished and lifelike: the mirrors and the rear seatback fold, it has filigree seatbelts and there’s carpet in the interior. Carpet! Brilliantly, it came with a white glove, because you wouldn’t want to get fingerprints on your Dolphin, would you?

One that made me slightly uncomfortable for how overly nice it felt, but which has proven very comfortable on subsequent cold evenings in front of the TV, was the Volvo wool blanket with my initials embroidered onto it (high perceived quality initially but proved a bit flaky over time).

Anyway, before you think it informed my recent glowing review of the EX60, I actually got it on the UK launch of the EX90, which I gave three stars and called ‘annoying’.

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about launch swag. It’s clear why it exists but realistically 75 grams of honey isn’t going to buy anyone an extra star, so I might as well enjoy the nonsense. I might ponder the question further over a cup of Volvo hot chocolate in my vRS mug.